LET’S LOVE
LOVE YOUR BODY, MIND, AND SOUL.
LOVE THE WORLD.
I see that none of this is real, truly it's all a dream of my own imagination. There is only this, exactly what's here, this empty space of awareness that I am, everything else that fills up the space is a dream and then made up worries, stories, etc. to convince you to move about in the empty space like you're doing something or going somewhere. None of that ever happened, you never moved, never did, somehow the brain is just wired to convince ourselves that this waking dream life is so incredibly real. Just as we are convinced in our sleep dream state that that is reality when we're in it. We have no clue we're dreaming. I've known this for some time, but in this moment I just got a clearer flash of the sense of nothingness. Very cool.
Everything that's ever happened and ever will happen is here in this moment. Totally incredible. Anything someone does or says to me, I 'asked for.' I asked them to do it with my energy as a lesson for myself. It's all me creating the story and then talking to myself within the story. Either in my head through my personal thoughts, or through other characters to talking to my character. So amazing. If I just listen to myself all around it might be a little lighter. But no one is ever doing anything to you. It's all me playing this game of 'growing and learning lessons' and it works so perfectly, designed so magnificently, it's just beyond the mind. Wow. So I thought of my friend who recently said something upsetting to me. I realized he was just saying it to himself, then realized I had him say it to me as well so I could learn from it too. Ha, we're always completely mutually benefiting from every interaction, so incredible. I just want to be excited and amazed by the wonder of this mysterious play all the time! I can't really though, because that's part of the play too--the forgetting of this ultimate truth so that you can still play out and enjoy the dream reality. That everything flows and changes, including my remembering that it's all a play. But at least for now it's great to remember the truth of it all..wow.
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That's what hiding away from the world is about, just hiding from myself. Afraid to face myself. In interactions with people you are always looking at yourself in the mirror. It can be difficult if you don’t like what you see. Their 'flaws' are from your perception, which is the same perception you use to view and talk to yourself. Always just talking to ourselves.
Avoiding my yoga practice is avoiding being still and facing the pain in myself. I know this, but sometimes I just have to run away. But when I allow myself to run and hide, even if I say, okay, just today you can do it. It ends up becoming a pattern that I allow myself to do each day. This leads to depression as it then becomes 'normal' and comfortable to ignore myself and choose distractions and hiding over facing the truth. I trick myself into believing I let myself 'be' and just accept all that arises, even the desire to run. But I know that too is a lie. Yes, accept what comes, even the desire to run, but then really face that desire to run. Don't make stories about why it's okay. Yes, it's okay, but ultimately its not in line with what I want. I want to be true to myself, I want to feel good and alive, excited and healthy in my body. Not running, hiding, making excuses and numbing. Sometimes it's nice to numb, no problem, once in a while. And I don’t look back and condemn what I needed to do. But as I feel myself slowly become clearer (helps being on a raw diet right now), I can make the choice to continue hiding- not do my yoga practice and then complain that I am sad. Or I can stop the stories and face what's here. Stop. Mmmm that feels good. In one instant I just stopped the running energy in myself and what a relief. Because even in this exciting insight that I'm writing, I'm still trying to change and plan for a future where I'm 'better', 'happier', more 'free.' Still part of the game and illusion. There is no formula and way to secure my happiness. Just this. Now. Nothing wrong with this. We are always talking to ourselves. When it's in our own heads, engaging with our own monologue as if it were a dialogue we could say yes and no to...Or even when it we are actually talking out loud to somebody else, we are still just talking to ourselves.
I started noticing everything that came out of my mouth was just a message to myself. Whether I was giving advice or an opinion, it was all information I needed to hear in that moment. It feels like this person showed up with this specific conversation just so that I could talk this issue out, for myself. Or if I was blaming someone, I was only blaming myself for the same thing. Either for having done the same thing in the past, am currently doing, or a part of me was a bit worried I might do it in the future. As cliche as the popular spiritual expression is, we truly are one. And I see and experience this more and more, every day, in a very practical, real way. Give it a try! See if every conversation you're having is for you..with you..as you. I've been accused of being a shit stirrer. I tend to be the one to show up and stir shit up. I say what I think out loud, I'm not afraid to share what I see as the truth, even though it might be painful and could potentially create conflict. Certain things show up as a burning truth for me and there is a strong impulse and need to express it, to get it out in the open. I hate the feeling of separation. I hate secrets. I prefer to say something uncomfortable rather than sitting with a silent judgment of someone. Of course I could choose to simply let the judgment or thought go, and sometimes I do, but there are certain times when this burning fire does not let me move on, and I know it needs to be shared.
I also noticed while doing my yoga practices and at some other times, I will find my mind has wandered into replaying past dramas and I find my stomach in a gurgling burping fit. It's a deep stirring of emotions and... well, gas. It seems to be quite a literal manifestation of shit stirring. Not so sexy, but I gots to get real. Sometimes I'm super hot and sexy, and sometimes I'm just gassy. |
MICHAELA CLARA I'm here to share what I've learned through my journey of self exploration-traveling around the outer world and within the inner world-learning about how to live a healthy life, in alignment with the body, heart and soul. Every day I'm discovering how to live more in health, connection and truth. Through joy, passion & self love, creating the life I want, and sharing this love with others. Join me for the ride! Read More |